I never imagined I would whitewater kayak in the middle of Oregon. But a breast cancer diagnosis in 2019 changed everything. My disease hijacked my physical and emotional well-being. I had a bilateral mastectomy, chemo, radiation, and physical therapy. I lost arm movement, especially on the right side. People called me a survivor, but I felt horrible every day.
When I got the opportunity to sign up for a river excursion through the nonprofit First Descents, I didn’t know if I could physically handle it because I was still hurting from surgery and taking meds that cause bone pain and extreme fatigue. But I knew I needed to reconnect with the adventurous spirit I once was, even if it took a big outing like this one.
As expected, kayaking was hard. They give you a lot of instructions, and my brain fog made it hard to remember them. At one point I didn’t realize I was paddling backward. I cried, emotional and afraid.
Somehow, though, I built up the courage the next day to get back in the kayak. As big rapids approached, I thought, I am getting out of here alive. I have kids, a life, and a purpose, and this river is not going to take me. And it didn’t. I got over the hump (literally) and realized just how much pure joy I was experiencing out there. That’s where I found my identity again.
Being on that river reminded me how important it was to allow myself to have some fun. For two years, I kept thinking I was going to die. I have bilateral breast cancer and four tumors. (They’d already metastasized to some lymph nodes, and I knew that Black women are more likely to die from this disease.)
When you’re ready to say yes to adventure, be honest about your limitations. Take kayaking: You can ask about universal seats, paddle adaptations, transfer benches, and even whether there will be time or space for rest breaks during the day. You may think, I’m the only one who has limitations, but that’s usually not the case. Even if you are, there’s somebody who’s willing to make this experience happen for you. Calling beforehand and making a plan will ease any anxiety. You’ve got this.
Adventure Resources For People With Chronic Illness
Don’t let anything deter you! Tap into these orgs that make outdoor excursions more doable.
This article originally appeared in the July/August 2023 issue of Women’s Health.
